THE TWINS 

and How They Entertained 
the New Minister 



A Farce 



By 

Elizabeth F. Guptill 



a 



Price 10 Cents 



\i 



NEW YORK CHICAGO 



N * w Y o r lc 



TULLAR-MEREDITH COT 



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THE RAG SOCIABLE 

A quaint eld fashioned entertainment which Is el wars sure to please. 
Libretto by Edith S. Tilloteon Muaio by Various Composers 

The dialog is very spicy and interesting, and humor and pathos are beautifully blended 
in the various musical selections. The characters include Mrs. Winters and her two 
daughters Betsy and Maria, Miss Jemima Rush. Mrs. Bassett, Mrs. Collins, Mrs. Salina 
Grey, the Allen twins (elderly). Mrs. Martha Ann Hall. Miss Eliza Hall, Mrs. Jane 
Tompkins, Jane Tompkins and Amanda Tompkins. The list of characters may be 
extended ad. lib. to meet local conditions. 

A fine entertainment for a class of women or girls. Ladles' Aid. Christian Endeavor 
and Epworth League Societies, etc. Price £5 cents per copp. 





THE OLD DISTRICT SCHOOL 

A Farce In Two Acts (New Version) 
Book by Wm. Danlorth Mueic arr. by Geo. F. Rosche 

This is a burlesque on the district school of 100 years ago. Eze- 
kiel Simpkins. the teacher, is the central character. His costume 

is a tight Prince Albert coat, with brass buttons, or a worn and faded "claw-hammer" coat- 
colored vest, cut low; stock collar, with large black tie: trousers, "high-water." with a patch 
of other color on one knee; well-worn shoes- Bald gray wig and "side" whiskers. The 
costumes of the pupils are in keeping with those of the teacher 

The characters all read their lines from the book, so that there is very little to be memorized 

and for this reason this work can be prepared in a very short time Price, postpaid 50 

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THE VISION OF HENSEL 

An Evening with the old Songs 

The Old Songs of Childhood, Youth, Love, War and Heme 

Libretto by Ellon N. Wood 

There is no friend like an old friend and after all there are no songs we love quite so 
much as the old ones. This Cantata furnishes a beautiful medium for the introduction 
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THE CHAPERON 

A humorous Operetta in Three Acts 

Libretto by Wm. Dan! orth M*»»«« by Gee. F Rosche 

"The Chaperon" is a humorous operetta designed for church choir and young 
people's societies. It will be found available in all communities in which seven 
young men andl seven young ladies who sing, can be found The music is bright. 
tuneful, easy to leam and easy to remember. The dialogue is very witty clean, 
wholesome and entertaining Price, postpaid, 60 cents per copp 

THE SPINSTERS' CLUB 

A Humorous Operetta in Two Acts 
Libretto by Harriet D. Castle Music by Gee. F. Rosche 

"The Spinsters' Club" is a humorous operetta designed for 
church choirs and young people's societies. It will be found 
available In all communities ia which a church choir is 
found. The music is bright, tuneful, and yet easy to learn 
and memorize. The dialogue is witty, pleasing and enter- 
taining. Price, postpaid. 60 cents per copp 

A returnable sample copy of any of the above mailed on receipt of 
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gjggst&jsarig^Ba' 





THE TWINS 

and How They Entertained the 
New Minister 

A Farce 



By 
ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL 



Price 10 Cents 



All Riyhts Reserved, Amateur Peiformance Permitted 



vi/is/iec/ J> 




265 West 36th Street, New York 14 W. Washington Street, Chicago 

Copyright 1914, Bp Tullur- Meredith Co. 
International Copyright Secured 















©CIA401340 

TMP96-006543 
JUN II 1915 






The Twins and How They Enter- 
tained the New Minister 



Characters 
Bobby and Betty, the twins. Rev. J. Jones, the minister. 

Scone 
A reception room. Enter Betty and the minister. 



Betty. (With a grown-up air.) There! Sit right down, 
and I'll see if Mamma's iii. No, not that one, that's only 
for show. The leg's broken, and it aint got fixed yet. 
Take the Morris chair. That's the one sister's beaux al- 
ways sit in. There, now you're all comfy. I'll tell Mamma 
you're here, if she's in. 

Rf.v. J. Jones. Tell her that I am making pastoral calls. 
I am — 

Betty. Yes, I know who you are. "I'm the new minister," 
you was a going to say, wasn't you? 

Bobby. (Entering.) 'Twas my turn to answer the door- 
bell, Betty Eorrest. 'Taint fair! You just camp out in 
the hall to get ahead of me! You got the book agent, and 
the Mission Lady, and now you've got the minister. 
Course you'll beat! 

Rev. J. J. Beat? 

Betty. You can tell him, Bobby, while I go ask Mamma 
if she's in. Sometimes she's in when she isn't, and some- 
times- she isn't when she is, and the only way to be sure 
you won't get a whipping for telling it the wrong way, is 
to go ask her. She's in her room, I know, but maybe 
she isn't in. You tell him 'bout the new game, Bobby. 
(She runs out.) 

Bobby. It's what we call the Caller's game. Betty made 
it up. Betty's awful smart to think of new things. You 
see, Thursday afternoon is Christine's day out. Say, aint 
it funny to call an afternoon a day? And Mamma don't 



The Twins 



like to answer the bell herself, 'cause then she couldn't be 
out if she didn't want to see the one that rung it, so she 
made me and Betty do it, 'n course we hated to be 
bothered — you know callers are such a nuisance when 
you're busy playing, and Betty shirked and made me do 
it most all. So Daddy said if she didn't do her share, he'd 
bring home candy, and give it all to me, 'n then Betty 
she made up this game. We've each got a little book, 
and we put down which caller we answer the bell to and 
get a piece of candy for each caller, and if there's more 
candy than there is callers, we get two pieces for each one, 
and now Betty likes to answer it, and she gets the most 
candy every time. 

Betty. (Returning.) That's 'cause I'm smartest, Dacldy 
says. He says, "Trust a woman to get the best of a 
man every time, be they ever so young." 

Rev. J. J. And what did Mamma say? 

Betty. She said, ''Mercy me! The minister? I suppose I 
shall have to go down, or your Father won't like it. What 
are ministers made for? 

Rev. J. J. I think I must go. Tell your mother I was 
sorry not to meet her. 

Betty. But you got to see her. She'll be down soon as 
she puts on her hair and squeezes her feet into her new 
tango slippers. 

Bobby. Pa says it's foolish to try to put a number two 
shoe on a number four foot. 

Rev. J. J. (Rising.) I think I must go now. 

Betty. If you do, she'll spank me good, for letting you, 
after she said she was in. She told me to entertain yo i 
nicely till she came down. 

Bobby. I'll entertain him. Men like men. Do you play 
poker? 

Rev. J. J. Why no, do you? 



The Tivins 5 

Bobby. No, I aint learned how yet, but I thought yon 
might teach me. This cunning little table is a card table, 
and the cards are in this little drawer. (Takes them out.) 
And these pretty round things are the chips. 

Betty. They look more like Tiddledy Winks. They use 
'cm 'stead of money, 'cause Mamma won't let 'em play for 
money. That's gambling. 

Bobby. They pay the money down town, next day. I 
know, 'cause I was with Daddy when he did, and he gave 
Hi3 a, quarter not to tell Mamma. 'Sides, Mamma plays 
Bridge and that's just as bad, Daddy says. 

R,;v. J. J. Would they like you to tell me this? 

Betty. P'raps not, but you won't tell, will you? It's 
right to tell the minister bad things, 'cause he'll forgive 
you if you pay him something, and you can do it over 
again. That's the way Christine does. She's a Catholic. 
Are you? 

Rev. J. J. No indeed, my dear. 

Bobby. (Who has gone out, re-enters with a bottle and 
g'ass.) Have some wine? Daddy always entertains his 
way. It's a fine flavor. I drank a bit from the bottom 
of a glass once, and 'twas awful good, but Mamma was 
mad about it. 

Rev. J. J. Put it back, my boy. I never drink. Minis- 
ters never do. 

Betty. M) r , how thirsty you must get! What do you do 
when you've been eating salt fish? 

Rev. J. J. I don't care for salt fish. 

Bobby. Neither do we, but we cat a lot of it when we're 
saving up for a party. 

Betty. Can you dance the tango? 

Rev. J. J. No, I don't dance. 

Betty. That's too bad. Let me show you how. It's just 

as easy! Come on. (Tries to drag him up ) 



6 The Twins 

Rev. J. J. No, I don't care to dance. 

Betty. I won't call you awkward, really. You do it so, 
you know, (illustrates) but dancing's no fun alone, you 
know. You need a girl to hug. If you learn with me 
you can do it with the big lady girls, the ones that you 
like best, you know. 

Bobby. He don't dance with 'em, he plays tag. 

Rev. J. J. Oh no, my boy. 

Bobby. Mamma said so. Daddy said that all the girls 

were chasing you, and Mamma said she guessed that you 

could do your share of the chasing, all right. 

Betty. I know what you like — fast horses, don't you? 
Rev. J. J. Well, I have a horse, of course — 

Betty. Yes, a real spanker! And a narrow buggy to take 
the girls to ride. Say, do you hold 'em in, when you go 
over the "thank you inarms" and take toll? Daddy said 
he bet you did. He always used to. He calls it taking 
toll when he makes me pay him for candy with kisses. I 
s'pose the girls would be afraid to say no to a minister, 
but sometimes I say no to Daddy, just to tease him, and 
he calls me a little flirt, and takes 'em just the same. 

Rev. J. J. Indeed. How old are you, little girl? 
Betty. I'm eight, 'n so's Bobby. We're twins, but I'm 
the smartest and the prettiest. Daddy says so. Mamma's 
great for bargains, when she's shopping, 'n when she 
bought me, Bobby was throwed in. She didn't need a 
boy, at all, but 'twas a bargain, you know. She bought a 
five dollar waist yesterday for four dollars and ninety- 
five cents. Can you play the piano? 
Rev. J. J. No, can you? 

Betty. I can play the scale, and "Tell Aunt Rhody," 
and when I 'm as big as you, I shall play all the notes. 
You can't do much, can you? Is that why you're a 
minister? 



The Tioins 



Bobby. No, it's cause it's an easy way to earn your 
living. Daddy said so. Just stand up in a pulpit and 
scold the people when they dassn't talk back, and have 
some men pass round plates to get money for you. 
They don't dare not to 'cause folks is looking. Once 
Daddy, put in a five dollar gold piece by mistake, and he 
sweared about it when he got home. 

Betty. Yes, and last Sunday I put in my chewing gum 
by mistake and he spanked me 'cause I sweared about 
it when I got home. He said "Darn!" was naughty for 
a girl to say. Why is it? 

Rev. J. J. Because — 

Betty. Oh, I didn't 'spect you to tell me. I don't like 
to be preached at. Have you got any s'criptions with you? 

Rev. J. J. Prescriptions? I'm not a druggist, nor a 
physician. 

Bobby. Sub ones, she means. Mamma don't like 'em. 
She hates begging ministers. She always signs, you know, 
'cause she must, but she can't afford to give away a whole 
dollar, or even half a one, 'cause her clothes are awful 
'spensive, and the dressmaker bothers her awfully with 
bills. Oh, wouldn't you like a cigar? (Takes a cigar 
case from a stand and passes it.) 

Rev. J. J. No indeed. I never smoke, and I hope you 
never will. 

Bobby. Oh yes I will. It's lots nicer than chewing. 
Just you try. Or are you fraid it will make you sick? 
It did me, when I tried it, but I'm going to try a cigarette 
next time. Taint so strong. P'raps you better. 
Betty. You better not. Maybe your Mamma wouldn't 
like it. Mamma spanked Bobby. 

Rev. J. J My dear boy, I sincerely hope — 

Bobby. Mamma's coming. 

Betty. We've entertained you good, haven't we? We 



8 The Twins 

haven't told anything we ought to not, have we? 'Cause 
if we have, we'll get spanked and sent to bed, when 
you're gone. 

Bobby. If we have, don't you tell. Be a good sport, 
and don't tattle. Here comes Mamma. 

Betty. And she's got her new dress on. We've enter- 
tained him, Mamma! 

(Minister raises, as lady enters room, hand outstretched.) 

CURTAIN 



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I "Herr Lover's Dilemma" { 

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(> -4 Musical Entertainment In One Act 

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a Libretto by H. Mac DONALD BARR Music by CARL F. PRICE * 

The most interesting, mirth-provoking entertainment which we have been *? 

(/ privileged to see or hear in recent years. V 

<) It goes right to your funny bone with a new kind of tickle. {) 

A It provides a whole evening of the finest fun without for an instant suggesting /> 

the vulgar or commonplace. There is a laugh in every line of the libretto and a lilt ^ 

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/i the fall of the curtain for the oft repeated strains of "Love is the way to spell Living" *k 

* are sure to echo and re-echo long after the entertainment is over. V 

V This entertainment is easily within the ability of the ordinary church choir with $ 
a augmented chorus. Special costumes are needed by only three or four characters, £, 
^ the chorus being in ordinary dress. No elaborate stage setting is necessary, a neat 

A platform with an adjoining room, or with a door, being the only requisites for its ^) 

* presentation. A piano should be on the platform. .. 

A CAST ^ 

v Professor Herr Lover, A little Anxious Tenor LedgolineTopsee, A little High Soprano V 

a Xerxes Strong, A little Weak Bass Gracie Note, A little Light Soprano *, 

(f F. Sharp, A little Biunt Baritone Addaline Crescendo, A little Swell Alto V 

Fillup Pipes, A little Big Baritone Miss Keys, A little Inattentive Pianist . 

A. Dagio, A little Slow Bass Jim, The Janitor, A little Noisy - \) 

Fiophundo Basso, A little Deep Bass CHORUS 

* THE STORY V 
*• Professor Herr Lover has written a cantata, the rehearsal of which he is to {> 

* conduct. He has proposed marriage to the leading soprano, Ledgoline Topsee, but *. 

V she is afraid he lacks the quality of patience, and plans, with the aid of her friends V 
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This play given by your Church Choir, Young People's Society or Ladies' i) 

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Mew York 



TULL AR-HERED4TH 



NEW PLy 





By E-lizabetK F. Gxipt 

The School at Nod Hollow. A buries 

Females. Time about 2 hours. Price 2 mi... n— -■— - _ ot - -, 

PARTI. In which is portrayed the dim* 016 103 0£0 ' 
Pinkham, who has corrie to "Mud Houow 10 assume the responsible 
duties of "Teacher" in the school. In selecting "Mud Hollow" she seeks a 
change from the city life she is accustomed to, and finds plenty of it in the 
manners, customs and dialect of the pupils. From start to finish there is 
nothing but fun. 

PART II. Which represents the last day at the school, when the proud 
parents are present to listen to the final examination of the class by the 
Supervisor and enjoy the program which is rendered by the pupils. Part 
II. offers an opportunity for about 60 minutes of the finest fun possible. 
"The School at Mud Hollow" may be given in one evening, but for those 
who would prefer to make two evenings of it, or to give only one part, we 

offer the same work announced below under the title of "The New Teacher at Mud Hollow 

Schoof and "The Last Dap at Mud Hollow School" either of which can be given as a 

complete entertainment without regard to the other one. 

The New Teacher at Mud Hollow School. Being Part I. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 

6 Males and 14 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. 

The Last Day at Mud Hollow School. Being Part II. of THE SCHOOL AT MUD HOLLOW. 

8 Males and 19 Females. Time about 1 hour. Price 26 cents. 

Santa's Rescue 

Two mysterious pieces of paper fall into the hands of the children, one 
being found by the BOYS and one by the GIRLS. The meaning of the in- 
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well worked out, and wiS make a decided hit for the Christmas season. 4 Boys and 5 Girls with 
any number of Fairies. Time about 1 hour. Price 25 cents. 





FARCES 



Taking the Census. Mr. Cole; the Census Taker, has a funny experience 
in an attempt to gather the facts required by the government from Mrs. 
Almira Johnson, a "culludlady," and her young son Alexander. Three 
characters only. Time about 10 minutes. Price 10 cents. 

Answering the Phone. Mrs. Courtney and her daughter have a most try- 
ing experience with Nora Flanagan, the new "hired girl," who in their 
absence attempts to .carry out the instructions given with special reference 
to "answering the phone." The final situation in which Nora makes a date 
with Miss Courtney's "intended" is ridiculous in the extreme. 3 females. 
Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. 

The Twine and How They Entertained the New Minister. They have a 

delightful time telling family secrets to the "New Minister," who has 

called for the first time. They explain the necessity of seeing their mother 

to find out from her if she is "In," for so often she is "Out" when she is "In" and "In" when she 

is •'Out" 2 Males and 1 Female. Time about 15 minutes. Price 10 cents. ^i.^*' 

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